What Did Jesus Say About Narcissists? Whose Side He Is On

You’ve sat across from someone who quotes Jesus with a smile and leaves you feeling small every single time. Maybe it’s a leader. Maybe it’s someone in your own family. And underneath it all is a question you’re almost afraid to ask: is Jesus on their side?

Here is the honest answer. Jesus never used the word “narcissist,” but He described the pattern precisely: religious leaders who loved honor and titles, performed their faith for an audience, and loaded heavy burdens on others while never lifting a finger. His harshest words were aimed at them, and He spoke those words to protect the people they were crushing. He was never on the side of the person using Him to stand above you.

My name is Servant Zero. In this article we’ll open the Gospels and look at what Jesus actually said, what Paul warned about, what the Bible says about narcissistic pastors, why we shouldn’t diagnose every flawed leader, and what Jesus put in place of all of it.

What did Jesus say about narcissists?

First, an honest answer. Jesus never used the word. “Narcissist” is a modern word, and a clinical one. Narcissistic personality disorder can only be diagnosed by a trained professional, so in this article we’ll talk about narcissistic patterns: behavior you can actually see.

But Jesus described that pattern so clearly you’d think He’d sat in your church.

And here’s what surprises people. His harshest words were not for prostitutes or tax collectors. He ate with them. The Pharisees complained about it: “Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?” (Matthew 9:11, KJV)

His harshest words were for religious leaders who used God to lift themselves up.

I’ve carried this question for a long time. I wrote a bar about it at three in the morning once, because some nights music was the only way I could pray. What finally settled it for me wasn’t a theory. It was reading Matthew 23 slowly and noticing who Jesus was talking to.

Whose side is Jesus on?

Look at how Matthew 23 opens:

Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, Matthew 23:1, KJV

He didn’t pull the leaders aside for a private chat. He turned to the ordinary people and warned them. He was protecting the crowd from the people on the platform.

When Jesus looked at crowds, Scripture tells us what He felt: “he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd” (Matthew 9:36, KJV). The people who had been used and worn out were the ones He moved toward.

So if you’re wondering whose side He’s on, here’s your answer. He stands with the people who got crushed.

The pattern Jesus named in Matthew 23

In one chapter, Jesus names three marks of the pattern.

1. They loved honor and titles

And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues Matthew 23:6, KJV

They wanted the title, the greeting, the front row. Then Jesus cut through all of it: “for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren” (Matthew 23:8, KJV). In His kingdom, nobody gets to stand above the family.

2. They performed for an audience

“But all their works they do for to be seen of men” (Matthew 23:5, KJV). Their prayers and their giving were for the crowd. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said of people who pray to be seen, “They have their reward” (Matthew 6:5, KJV). Applause was what they really wanted, so applause is all they got.

3. They loaded people down and never lifted a finger

For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. Matthew 23:4, KJV

Rules for you. Exceptions for them. Your sacrifice, their comfort. (If that sounds familiar, I write more about it in what legalism in the church looks like.)

What the pattern looks like today

What Jesus named	His words	What it can look like today
Love of honor	“the chief seats in the synagogues” (Matthew 23:6, KJV)	Titles insisted on, reserved seats, a leader who must be the center of every room
Performance	“for to be seen of men” (Matthew 23:5, KJV)	Ministry built around image, social media and stage presence, while private life tells another story
Heavy burdens	“lay them on men’s shoulders” (Matthew 23:4, KJV)	Volunteers worn out and shamed for resting, while the leader’s comfort is untouchable
Shutting people out	“ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men” (Matthew 23:13, KJV)	Questions treated as rebellion, people pushed out for speaking up

Jesus didn’t say this coldly

At the end of that same chapter, you can hear His heart break:

how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings Matthew 23:37, KJV

That’s how He feels about the people who got crushed. He wanted to gather them, not use them.

The prayer that was really about himself

Jesus also told a story about one of these men at prayer. Luke tells us exactly who it was aimed at: people “which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others” (Luke 18:9, KJV).

The religious man stood and prayed, “God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are” (Luke 18:11, KJV). He was talking to God, but really talking about himself.

Standing nearby was a man everyone despised, who wouldn’t even lift his eyes. He could only say this:

God be merciful to me a sinner. Luke 18:13, KJV

Jesus said that broken man was the one God accepted, not the polished one. “For every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.” (Luke 18:14, KJV)

I go deeper into that parable, and the five marks of this pattern, in what spiritual narcissism is, and what it is not.

What does the Bible say about narcissists beyond the Gospels?

Jesus isn’t the only voice in Scripture on this. The pattern runs all through the Bible.

Paul’s “lovers of their own selves”

Paul saw the same pattern coming and described it almost word for word:

For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud 2 Timothy 3:2, KJV

Then comes the line that explains why it’s so confusing: “Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” (2 Timothy 3:5, KJV)

A form of godliness. The right words, the right songs, the right look. But no real change underneath.

And notice what Scripture says to do. Not “try harder to please them.” Turn away. That doesn’t mean hate them or wish them harm. It means you are not required to keep standing under it.

Diotrephes, who loved first place

The apostle John names a church leader with this exact pattern. Diotrephes, “who loveth to have the preeminence among them” (3 John 1:9, KJV), refused to welcome others, spread malicious words, and cast people out of the church (3 John 1:10). Love of first place led to control, and control led to people being pushed out.

Other examples of the pattern

Scripture has other portraits too. King Saul, who cared more about honor before the people than about obeying God (1 Samuel 15:30). Absalom, who stole hearts at the city gate to build his own following (2 Samuel 15:6). A king who looked over his city and admired what he had built by his own power (Daniel 4:30). Different centuries, same root.

And the warning over all of it: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18, KJV)

What does the Bible say about narcissistic pastors?

This is where a lot of people’s real question lives. The Bible holds pastors to a high standard, and it never exempts them because of their title.

Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock. 1 Peter 5:3, KJV

Jesus contrasted worldly rulers who dominate with the way His followers must lead: “But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister” (Matthew 20:26, KJV). And through Ezekiel, God pronounced woe on shepherds who feed themselves and rule “with force and with cruelty” (Ezekiel 34:4, KJV). Jesus also warned that some would come looking like part of the flock while being something else underneath; I unpack that warning in what “wolves in sheep’s clothing” means.

When a leader’s pride turns into control, silencing or exploiting people, or covering up sin, that is spiritual abuse. It is never acceptable, no matter how gifted the leader. And “touch not mine anointed” was never meant as a shield for that; I explain why in what “touch not mine anointed” really means. For the full scriptural picture, read what the Bible says about spiritual abuse, and for practical warning signs, seven signs of a narcissistic pastor.

Don’t diagnose every flawed pastor

Now, I owe you some honesty, because this word gets thrown around a lot.

Jesus spoke the way He did because He could see hearts. We can’t. We can only see fruit, and only some of it. Scripture says the day is coming when God Himself will bring the hidden things to light:

Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts 1 Corinthians 4:5, KJV

Judging hearts is His job. Our job is smaller: name what we can actually see, and leave the rest with Him.

These are not signs of narcissism on their own:

• A pastor who preached a hard word that stepped on your toes
• A leader who forgot your name or didn’t call when they should have
• A bad decision, a blunt comment, a rough season
• A confident personality or a strong opinion
• A pastor who disagreed with you and didn’t change his mind

That’s church hurt: imperfect people letting each other down. It’s real, it’s normal, and the answer to it is grace and forgiveness. A good pastor won’t always tell you what you want to hear.

What Jesus confronted was a pattern: honor demanded, people burdened, and a system built to protect the leader. Church hurt and spiritual abuse are two very different things, and it matters which one you name. I lay out where the line falls in church hurt vs. spiritual abuse.

And before you label anyone, pray. Ask God to search your heart too. Jesus warned us about seeing the speck in someone else’s eye while missing the beam in our own (Matthew 7:3). That isn’t weakness. It’s what keeps you from becoming what hurt you.

How should a Christian respond to a narcissistic person?

If you’re dealing with someone who shows this pattern, here’s what Scripture and wisdom suggest:

1. Name the behavior, not the diagnosis. “He punishes anyone who disagrees” is something you can see and say.
2. Turn away from the pattern. Paul’s counsel in 2 Timothy 3:5 allows real distance from someone who keeps a form of godliness without its power.
3. Set boundaries. Limit contact. Decline private meetings where you’ll be pressured. Stop explaining yourself to someone who uses your words against you.
4. Talk to someone outside the system. A wise believer from another church can see what you can’t see from inside the fog.
5. Get safe. If you or your children are in danger, or a crime has happened, contact local emergency services or authorities.
6. Get support. This is encouragement, not therapy. A licensed, trauma-informed counselor can walk with you.
7. Forgive, without going back. Jesus commands forgiveness (Matthew 6:14-15). That means releasing them to God and wishing their change, not their harm. It isn’t reconciliation, and it never means returning to abuse. How to forgive church hurt without going back walks through what that looks like.

For a full plan with a leader specifically, read how to deal with a narcissistic pastor biblically and safely.

Jesus’ kind of leadership: He washed feet

So what did Jesus put in place of all that? When His own disciples argued about who was greatest, He said this:

And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. Mark 10:44, KJV

And then He showed them. The night before the cross, He got down on the floor: “After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet” (John 13:5, KJV).

The only one who deserved the highest seat took the lowest place. Then He told them, “For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.” (John 13:15, KJV)

That’s how you know real spiritual leadership. It kneels. It serves. It’s glad to be corrected. And there are pastors like that today, many of them. Churches where the leaders still pick up the towel. When you’re ready, how to find a healthy church can help you recognize one, and if you’re not sure where to begin, start here.

So hear me. Jesus was never on the side of the person who used Him to stand above you. He was the one standing with you, in the crowd. Come home to Him. You’re not alone. It wasn’t your fault. And God is not the one who hurt you.